Milfs and Grannies Phone Sex » water sports

toilet humor

Olga — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 17:10:21 +0000

Some of these callers crack me up. I had a pee fetishist on the phone and I am always glad to oblige since I damn near have to wear Depends already, I’m so damn full of piss all the time. If I sneeze, I piss a little. If I stand up too fast I piss a little. If I cum too hard, I piss a LOT. It’s like my goddamn bladder ain’t even tryin anymore LOL… But this particular caller loves to hear me pissing loud and long so I try to saveit up for him on his usual call days. Then I run to the bathroom and hold the phone in the bowl while I let it fly!! However the other day he called and I was feeling pretty gassy all morning (I’d had mexican just before bed last night! D’OH!!!) and I was afraid I’d be doing alot more than pissing if you know what i Mean. He’s straight pee fetish, not really into much else so I didn’t know how that would go over. I swear I fucking tried as hard as I could to JUST piss, not let out any gas… do you know how manyf ucking muscles that requires?? I sure as hell don’t because i FAILED big time, and I let out the longest sloppiest, wettest sounding fart you could ever imagine. It lasted forever!! Then I got nervous trying to bring the phone back out of the bowl and I ended up dropping the receiver in the pissy fucking toilet water!!!! By the time I got it out all I could hear was a dial tone! OOPS!! I hope he enjoyed that little noise parade!! If I don’t hear back from him again I guess I’ll know how it went over. Now if you’ll excuse me I’ve gotta try to get the smell of pisswater out of my phone still…. LOL.!

OLGA 1 888 896 6205

http://milfsandgranniesphonesex.com/olga.html

Moonlit Pool

Ellen — Wed, 19 Aug 2009 04:30:09 +0000

After a hot day, I decided to go down to the pool for a cool dip. I put on my smallest bikini and headed down there right around sundown when I noticed one other person already there. This guy looked like a California surfer … tanned, shoulder-length blond hair, piercing blue eyes … you get the picture. I started in on some small chit-chat since I hadn’t seen him around before. My main interests were 1) was he old enough, and 2) did he live in the housing complex (I have a definite policy of NOT having sex with anyone that lives too close).
As it turned out, he WAS old enough (barely), and was staying with his brother for the weekend while a friend of his from high school was getting married. That was all it took. I steered him into a corner in the shallow end, and while he was busy trying to answer a retorical question from me, I went underwater, slid his swimsuit down to his knees, and started sucking his cock. When I came up for air, he ran his hands down my shoulders, sliding my bikini top down to my ass and pulled my bottoms down as well. I quickly removed my bikini while he shook off his swimsuit, then we wrapped around each other and started exploring all the positions we could think of in a pool.
By the time we stopped for a breather, the crescent moon was clearly visible above the horizon, and the sight of how big and close it looked started us in on another wave of poolside exploration.
I headed home even sweatrier than when I first went to the pool … but feeling alot more satisfied.

Ellen at
1-888-244-4598
http://milfsandgranniesphonesex.com/ellen.html

HOT SUMMER LEMONADE

Sunny — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 06:57:52 +0000

It was a steamy, hot day. Sweat covered me completely under my cotton blouse and mid-thigh skirt. I had finally begun cleaning out the basement of my new home, which was full of all manner of crap and was lugging the heavy trash bags out to the curb. As I was struggling along with the third one, there he was, quite suddenly; shirtless, smiling and offering to help. I had noticed him before, admiring his young, well-muscled body and handsome face as he went about half-naked in the summer heat and had made a mental note: to be explored further. He easily hefted the trash bag I had been struggling with and brought it to the curb. And what a gentleman: he offered to help with any others there might be. Nasty, horny bitch that I am, I thought this would be an excellent opportunity to do that exploring and see what this young stud really had to offer. So off we went to the basement and he promptly disposed of the other 3 bags of trash. As he was, I was practically salivating looking at the sweat glistening on his tanned skin as it highlighted his rippling muscles. I found myself wondering what was under those shorts and licking my lips. After the last bag had gone to the curb, I invited him to take a seat in the kitchen and offered him a cool drink; i was surprise he chose milk. In getting the milk carton out of the refrigerator, I made it a point to bend over far, to let him get a good look up my skirt. I knew he was getting a perfect view…an eyeful of my big ass. I poured a glass out for him, and speaking in a low, sexy voice, I leaned forward in such a way as to give him a better view of my deep cleavage and could feel his eyes burning on the hetfty, sweaty mounds. He was forgetting his manners, out-and-out staring, so I decided to go for it. “Ummm, see something you like?,” I asked. He stammered an apology and blushed, which just made him all the hotter to me. “Don’t be embarrassed,” I purred, taking his hand and putting it on my left tit. His hand squeezed firmly and he brushed his thumb roughly across my nipple, sending shivers of delight traveling through my body to blossom between my legs and manifest as spreading wetness. I shut my eyes and moaned, stepping closer to him and press my voluptuous body into his. He buried his face between my tits and I grabbed his hair, pressing his head against me and moaning louder. I stepped in front of him, straddling his legs and standing over him and rasped out “Get your milk right from the source.” I pulled his head back and unbuttoned my blouse, pulling my tits free of my bra, tweaking my already hard nipples as he stared. I looked down and could see the massive bulge in his shorts. He sucked at my big tits greedily, one hand on my ass, squeezing, the other sliding up the inside of my thigh. I moaned again as his hand reached my soaked pussy, the wetness having drenched the crotch of my panties. Pulling my panties to the side, he rubbed my slippery lips and clit as he continued sucking at my nipples. Just when I feel like it will never happen, he pushed two fingers up inside of me and I flex my knees, dropping down to push them in further. Taking his lips off my nipple, my handsome neighbor looked up at me with big puppy dog eyes and started chanting the kiddie rhyme, “Milk, milk, lemonade…I’d really like to feel some hot lemonade splashing all over me, strained through those white panties of yours, if you know what I mean. Haha! I couldn’t believe my luck. I’d hit the jackpot with this one…my little neighbor boy liked to play in the water… Give me a call if you want to know how he enjoyed his “lemonade” or what happened when that dirty boy turned “the corner where fudge is made.”

SUNNY 1-888-296-6953