As an ebony loving, black cock stuffing, cumguzzling old white whore it goes without saying that I love me some black men.  The darker the berry, the whiter the load on my belly I always say.  Thats why around this time of yearI like to kick off the first part of the new year with a good old fashioned anonymous interracial fuck.

Usually I get dressed up in my sluttiest looking old white lady gear, see thru silk top, short denim skirt no panties of course, and a long expensive looking coat, waaay underdressed even for the mild Southern winter, and I wander the “bad” side of town as though I were lost,  looking for whatever tall young black buck that might be of assistance to me.  Once  the young teen boys see a bowlegged white bitch stumbling down MLK blvd looking confused and frightened they figure maybe  it’s time to ask her if she needs a ride anywhere.  Miss Helen is always so grateful, because she’s been wandering for what seems miles, trying to find her friend Gladys’ house on foot.  Miss Helen gets in the nice young black man’s “hoop ride” I think they call it, and places her hand gratefully on his strong muscled young thigh and feels the firmness of it underneath his baggy jeans and she winks.  Then she directs her kind young Samaritan to the general area where her friend lives… yes THIS street looks familiar… I could have sworn her house was around her somewhere… maybe over there behind that parking lot?  the one with the back alley.  Yes… thank you young man, you are so kind for taking the time to help a dotty old white lady find her way around the neighborhood.  Surely you will let me repay you somehow for your time….  just pull over here and let me think of something…

MMMMMMMM….  last year I had the pleasure of two young brothers (actually brothers not just “brothas”) who let me repay their generosity in the backseat of their Impala.  Hottest two-holey action I’d had in a long time.  They both came inside me, zipped up and pushed me out of the car and pulled off.  NOT very hospitable I must say.  So of course I had to hitch a ride home.  A kinder older black man this time… he was more than happy to nibble and nuzzle on my itty bitty titties as we sat in front of my garage.  When my husband came out of the house tho he became very nervous and that was the end of our fun.   But it’s all about the adventure you see.. the journey…  Now… where are my thigh highs again?

HELEN 1 888 298 3960

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It’s finally happened. I’ve become an incontinent old bat.   Fortunately, I only seem to wet myself when I’m having an orgasm.  Unfortunately, I keep wetting myself everytime I have an orgasm!!

This never used to happen!  I had a bladder of steel and I could hold my urine thru odouble shifts at Luby’s 6 days a week.  I retired from waitressing just a couple of years ago and my control of my body functions seem to be retiring as well.   One time at the grocery store I bent down to get a box of cereal and I cut the hugest fart you ever heard.  It was pretty crowded in this aisle and there was no mistaking it was me.  I was mortified I tell you.  I never saw it coming.  I dashed right over to the checkout lane after that.   But that’s how it began… suddenly I’d get gas… and I HAD to let it out fast or else!!  Then a few months later I noticed I’d pee a little every time I laughed or sneezed.  But just a little.   Then a few months further down the road I’d be waking up in the middle of the night running to the toilet and just barely making it!

And now… it’s a mess.  My hubby was eating me out after having banged me six ways from sunday.. and I’d already had a couple of rolling O’s…. but he hit the right spot and suddenly I started squirting.. but not the good kind of squirting.  This was unmistakeably warm, wet, pungent piss.    Hubby is pretty kinky and so am I but we weren’t expecting this.. Or else we never would have been screwing on our brand new burberry couch like that.  This is gonna be one expensive re-upholstery bill. 

Sometimes gettin’ older ain’t what it’s cracked up to be.  OH well… I’ll be sure to tell you when I lose control of my bladder altogether and start running around with a catheter.  I wonder if they make vibrating adult diapers???   Hrmmmmm….

HELEN 1 888 298 3960

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On the 12th day of xmas my Hubby gave to me

12 inches of Dildos,   11 Truckers Jerking,  10 fingers fisting, 9 grannies diddling, 8 boys for milking, 7 roaring orgasms , 6 slaves for whipping FIVE ANAL BEADS!!  4 call girls, 3 Frenchmen, 2 Riding Crops, and a BIG BLACK COCK FOR MY PUSSY!!!

I love the xmas season! I love this time of year!  Especially now that the kids are gone and grown, we can really let our freak flags fly!!!  This year The hubby and I are planning a Secret Santa Key Party, with a twist… each guest will put his or her name into one bowl.  And in another bowl we each write down a random sex act. We all draw out a name.  Whoever’s name we pick we have to perform the sex act we randomly chose with them, or as close to that act as possible!!  The adventure is that we don’t get to opt out once we start.. so even if we pick somebody we don’t like.. or if a guy picks another guy.. it’s too bad he has to do it anyway!  It’s so deliciously childish.. but we’re all consenting adults… and you’re only as young as you feel anyway!  The hard part will be getting people to RSVP without them flaking out at the last minute.  Everybody says they’re in at first, but then the day comes around and suddenly they have cold feet and limp cocks.  But I’m purposefully overloading the invitation list with guys and gals I know for a fact are as freaky as can be.  And the new swinger’s club Hubby and I joined seems to have a bit of potential.  Most of them seem a bit vanilla for our tastes (girl on girl action and couple swapping only, no guy on guy)  … but we have our eye on a handful of fellow freaks.  It will just take a bit of schmoozing and boozing to feel them out.  My that’s alot of socializing to do between now and the After XXXmas party….  I hope my holes don’t get too worn out before then!  Haha As if!!

HELEN 1 888 298 3960

http://milfsandgranniesphonesex.com/helen.html

Sometimes the hubby and I go our separate ways for fun every now and then.  We do try to play together as often as possible but sometimes it gets to stressful and boring and sometimes it’s just plain easier to get laid all by yourself.   So that’s what I’m going to do.  I happen to live next to a very large college campus, jampacked with young hot studs bursting with energy for the new school year.  Last year I was part of the hazing ritual for a select few college freshman trying out for the frats.  I judged their cock contests… the losers had to bend over for my paddle.   The farthest shooters, the longest lasters.. and of course.. the longest lasting farthest shooting always got to come away with me.  Mmmmmm…  those fat young cocks filled up my greedy holes just right.  And I taught at least two different fellas the proper way to eat a pussy.  Who cares if this snatch has alot of miles on it??  I know what I like and I’m willing to teach anyone who wants to learn!!  I’m hoping to try my first barely legal gangbang this semester… all freshman cock in every hole!! I even got a part time job in the dean’s office doing some clerical work.  I took alot of LONG lunch breaks… there always seemed to be a student in need of a little extra face time.    The dean didn’t like me hanging around campus so much last year… said I was a bad influence…  but I think he just needs to get fucked.  Who knows.. maybe he’s loosened up some this year.  Maybe I’ll swing by his office to make sure.

HELEN 1 888 298 3960

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Started smoking again out of stress, and i forgot how much the hubby liked it.   I was a champion smoke ring blower. I could do heart shapes, little erotic shapes that look like cocks and titties all with smoke. Its all in the lungs and the tongue, you see.  I would play a game to see if I could blow a smoke ring over Hubby’s cock, sort of like a game of horseshoe.. or else I’d blow a big one and he’d try to spear it the thru the middle with his dick…. silly stuff when we were younger.  But I had stoped for about 15 years until last month.  I just got stressed out about bills and I went out grocery shopping with a gal friend who smokes like a freakin chimney.  she offered me a cigarette and I took it and now i’m back baby!!  Anyway.. we were talking about smoking and turns out she can actually puff a ciggy with her PUSSY.  I was like you’re gonna hafta show me that trick, hon.  I’ve tried it myself .. just this morning in fact.. but so far no luck.  I mean i can get it to hold in there and I can make the pussy motions you need, but I cant get it to actually puff.  I’ve seen videos online so I know its possible.  Maybe my snatch is too old and loose by now?  Seems like they are all young teen angels, where everything is tight and wet and suspended in mid air.  Ahhh those were the days.  At least the old bat cave is still holding up.  Who cares if I can’t take a drag with it.. I can still squeeze the hell out of your cock .  now THAT’s smokin hot.

HELEN 1 888 298 3960

http://milfsandgranniesphonesex.com/helen.html