Milfs and Grannies Phone Sex

Hi Kids!  This gnarly old hag has been around the block a few times, and she’s seen all sorts of trends, but in all her 60 plus years she has yet to see anything like the latest trend that’s sweeping the young generation:  Going Bald Head to Toe.   I don’t just mean the girls… but the boys too.  It’s like pubes went the way of the 8 track player or something.   And while I dont mind it, I don’t really understand it.

So maybe you can explain it to me fellas?  What’s with the hairless cocks and balls and assholes?  How are you managing to stay so smooth and porno ready all the time.  You kids are busier than ever with your iphones and your internet and your multitasking lives.. where do you find the time to shave your entire bodies like this?   I used to date a  professional body builder back in the 70’s….   He had a hot body like you’d expect.. and as much time as he spent in the gym building up those muscles he seemed to spend just as much or more shaving his arms legs and chest.  Sometimes I’d help him out and it was a tough job!!  Took forever.  After the novelty of the sex wore off I realized how boring he was… all he did was primp and shave and pluck and pump iron, all he had time for.  SO I ask you again, how do you kids find the time??

It’s all I can do to keep my snaggly old bush trimmed down.  Sometimes I get real lazy and its like you need a weed whacker to find my clit.  I shave my legs and pits about once a week but that’s about it.  But the last young man I spent time with… he was about 20, 21 or so..   He was smooth as a baby’s butt from head to toe. Yes even his head was shaved!  I even asked him if he had one of those  illnesses that make all your hair fall out and he just laughed and said No you crazy old grandma, that’s the style these days. 

He had a big fat cock and a tight body so I let the old grandma crack slide…. but I’m still wondering, what gives?   Do you fellas trim your trees?  Regularly? Or just for a special occasion?  Maybe the kid was just trimming his tree for the hoidays.  If you know, tell me!

OLGA 1 888 896 6205

http://milfsandgranniesphonesex.com/olga.html

How lucky can one lady get??

A friend of mine who had been on hormone therapy for years decided she wasn’t going to be using her estrogen pills anymore, and I made a deal with her so I could get them from her … result: my tits are filling back up with milk!!  So far it’s a bit thick and cloudy … kind of like eggnog, but I’m assured that given a bit of time, my milk will be flowing again like before.

This is such great news for me and my boys … they always love suckling on my breasts like they used to, but they sometimes get cranky when their suckling doesn’t pay the rewards it used to … well, happy days are here again, boys … suck away, and mommy will be right here to burp you when you’re done!

1-888-296-6953, ask for Sunny

http://milfsandgranniesphonesex.com/sunny.html

It’s finally happened. I’ve become an incontinent old bat.   Fortunately, I only seem to wet myself when I’m having an orgasm.  Unfortunately, I keep wetting myself everytime I have an orgasm!!

This never used to happen!  I had a bladder of steel and I could hold my urine thru odouble shifts at Luby’s 6 days a week.  I retired from waitressing just a couple of years ago and my control of my body functions seem to be retiring as well.   One time at the grocery store I bent down to get a box of cereal and I cut the hugest fart you ever heard.  It was pretty crowded in this aisle and there was no mistaking it was me.  I was mortified I tell you.  I never saw it coming.  I dashed right over to the checkout lane after that.   But that’s how it began… suddenly I’d get gas… and I HAD to let it out fast or else!!  Then a few months later I noticed I’d pee a little every time I laughed or sneezed.  But just a little.   Then a few months further down the road I’d be waking up in the middle of the night running to the toilet and just barely making it!

And now… it’s a mess.  My hubby was eating me out after having banged me six ways from sunday.. and I’d already had a couple of rolling O’s…. but he hit the right spot and suddenly I started squirting.. but not the good kind of squirting.  This was unmistakeably warm, wet, pungent piss.    Hubby is pretty kinky and so am I but we weren’t expecting this.. Or else we never would have been screwing on our brand new burberry couch like that.  This is gonna be one expensive re-upholstery bill. 

Sometimes gettin’ older ain’t what it’s cracked up to be.  OH well… I’ll be sure to tell you when I lose control of my bladder altogether and start running around with a catheter.  I wonder if they make vibrating adult diapers???   Hrmmmmm….

HELEN 1 888 298 3960

http://milfsandgranniesphonesex.com/helen.html

Just a short note to drop you guys a line … and to give my pussy a breather.

My secret admirer revealed himself to me yesterday.  He showed up at my door in a trenchcoat.  At first I thought he was some bum just asking for a fresh meal … I recognized him as one of the bums outside the grocery store I use.   When I asked if he needed help, he just flipped his trenchcoat open … he was naked underneath, and a big gold bow was attached to the base of his big black cock.  My mouth dropped open, and I didn’t even look around before dropping to my knees and stuffing that huge dong into my mouth.

After a couple minutes of gobbling on that gorgeous dark meat, I figured it would be best if we moved inside, so I grabbed ahold of it and led it (with him attached) on into the trailer.   He mentioned something about having watched me for years, but I wasn’t listening … I was busy trying to climb onboard his big black rocket … I wanted him to take me to the moon and see stars.  We have fucked and sucked like crazy since then … all night long and all morning today.   When I needed to pee, I just squatted over him and gave him a golden shower.  When he had to piss, he stood over me and drowned me in his steamy flow.

Now he’s grabbing a bite for us out of the fridge while I’m throwing this message together.  I have a few surprises in store for him when he gets back here to the bedroom … He’s going to help me try out some of these dildos he sent that first week.   I think my week is going to be busy all the way up to Christmas Eve.

Bye for now … Call me if you dare!

1-888-648-0752, ‘granny’ SUE

http://milfsandgranniesphonesex.com/gsue.html

I went over to my sister’s house last weekend like I do every year to help put up all the Christmas decorations.  Since she hosts the family Christmas parties I figure it’s only fair to pitch in and help make it special for all the kids.

I was greeted there by Jake, her oldest son who’s just starting on his master’s degree in college … my, he’s a handsome young man; he got our side of the family’s thick blond hair and blue eyes, and my brother-in-law’s olive skin (he’s Portugese, I think).   His charming smile didn’t hurt either, and he helped me up the front stairs so I wouldn’t slip on the ice.

I didn’t think more about him after that as I got started on putting up the holiday decorations and chatting with my sister about Christmases past.  After several hours of this I asked for a break, and went into my sister’s room to relax for a bit.  Going thru my purse, I noticed my little vibrator I keep in there ‘just in case’, and that got me thinking about Jake again for some reason.  I stretched out and started playing with myself just a bit to relax, closed my eyes and fantasized about Jake.

After only a few minutes, I opened my eyes and there he was … right in front of me with his cock in his hand, stroking away and watching my vibrator hard at work.  He smiled at me, and I could see in his eyes that it was okay to continue … but after seeing his cock, the vibrator wasn’t going to do it for me anymore.  I sat up on the edge of the bed and pulled him toward me so I could start sucking that magnificent meat.  He told me how he always looked foreward to my visits and had always found me attractive while he slowly pulled off my blouse and unclasped my bra.  

Once I tasted the first drops of precum I was ready for more.  I laid back pulling him on top of me, and as he slid his summer sausage inside me I heard him whisper “ohh, auntie Jan” and his face buried itself in my breasts.  He didn’t last all that long before exploding deep inside me, but the whole experience was so sensual that I felt completely satisfied as well.  I got his phone number at college while we straightened up, and we promised to keep in touch more often before we headed back out to join the others in yuletide preperations.

1.888.689.3824, ask for ‘auntie’ Jan

http://milfsandgranniesphonesex.com/jan.html

I think I really fucked up in a major way, the more and more that I think it over.  I regret what happened this weekend I really do.  Although at the time I didn’t give two shits.  That will teach me to get trashed and horny in my own house with my grown son sharing my bed.

That’s right you heard me right.  Well, let me give a little bit of background.  Mickey is my youngest and he’s always been a slow starter, always been a big mama’s boy.  It’s my fault for always spoiling him, but when he was little he had one ear infection after another and was always sick and screaming and the only thing that ever calmed him down was to keep him buried between my big old tits.  It became a bit of a ritual even long after it was “appropriate.”  Parents, kids, and even his older brother and sister would notice how whenever he got upset or hurt himself on the playground he’d come running to his Mama and bury his face in between my tits.  I tried not to be self conscious about it, because I give two shits what anybody thinks about me, but over the years I see how it reinforced a pattern of my son getting more and more isolated from his peers and spend more time with me.  I guess by that time I had become subconsciously attached to him as a companion, once my ex-husbastard walked out on us when he was 3…  his siblings were on their way to and thru their teens… and here I was with this baby starting life over.  So yeah I spoiled him.  I even kind of teased him over the years whenever I caught him grinding on mama’s lap when he would sit on me, or when he would stare so long and wide eyed at me getting changed.  I even caught him jerking off a few times when he was a teen, and one time I actually stood there and watched as he finished himself off.  We never talked about that and that was as far as things ever went.

Until the other night.  Okay… so Mickey has lived with me on and off ever since he dropped out of college…. he’s 31 years old now and he’s never lived apart from his mom for more than a year.  The last time he moved out was with some girlfriend he had taken up with and was taking care of him, but she ended up walking out on him and their apartment which he had no idea how to take care of by himself (I did say I spoiled the boy.  Apparently he’s never learned to pick up a broom or a mop, or the toilet seat for that matter)…  so back in he moves with Mama Olga.   During that time I had moved to a two bedroom apartment by myself… using the second bedroom as a porno theatre and fuck dungeon (Yes, I’m a freak) so the only other bed in the place was mine.  We had shared a bed for most of his life anyway so it was no big deal.  And whenever I would wake up to hear him grunting and groaning  as he jerked himself off right next to me, I’d just ignore it and go back to sleep.

But I had gone out and gotten trashed at a bar hanging out with some old gal pals of mine from whenwe all used to work at the Nursing Home (we’re all retired now) and I don’t get drunk often but when I do, I get out of control horny and grabby.  So I end up in my own bed passed out and my son comes home from work and gets in bed with me as usual.  I’m sort of half passed out  on my back …. kind of asleep but not.  I notice him jerking himself off like usual and instead of leaving him alone this time I actually sit up and tell him… “sweetie you’re gonna rip that fucker off if youre not careful… let Mama handle it.”   I could hear him gasp and his body go stiff as my hand gripped his big stiff member (he got my looks somehow but he inherited his daddy’s big donkey dick for sure)… and the next thing I knew I was slobbering on my son’s big fat cock in a drunken stupor.  It didn’t take long at all. I heard him call out .. “MOMMY IM CUMMING” and then he shot four of five big ropes of jizz all over his belly and my chin….   in the back of my mind I was freaked out by what I had done but I was also really drunk and thinking “fuck it he’s of age and we’re both right here…” ….  I wiped my chin of his cum with the pillowcase and promptly passed back into unconsciousness.  

When I woke up the next morning I was determined to act like nothing had happened.. that we wouldn’t talk about it like the time I had watched him jerking off when he was a teenager…   but no such luck.  Mickey, my lovely beautiful boy, was already rock hard and naked right next to me pumping his cock for all it was worth.  I didn’t know what to say.. in the light of being sober and hungover I didn’t think it was such a good idea to go down on my son for a SECOND time… so I just rolled over and watched him as he worked his meat into a frenzy…  his eyes were begging me to please touch him.. and because I love my boy, I wanted to.. I almost did it … but I couldn’t go there.  As he finally came I stroked his cheek and kissed his forehead.  Reached over and grabbed a towel that was lying on the floor next to bed, and laid it over his naked body to clean himself up with.  I left the bedroom without a word and went to fix breakfast.  He followed a good half hour later, sitting down at the kitchen table looking confused and ashamed.  I felt the same. I don’t know what to do.  He started to say something but I kept cutting him off asking him about work, asking about his ex girlfriend, asking lots of silly questions to change the subject.  He left for work and hasn’t been back, since he’s working a double shift … so I’m not looking forward to tonight.  Maybe he’ll be too tired to say anything.  Maybe I should make an excuse to be out late??  Maybe I should have a serious talk with him about what we did?  Maybe I should get a look at his big ass cock again one more time before I rule him out as a full service bedmate???   Olga you’ve really stepped in it now…  *sigh*… stupid horny old cunt!!

OLGA 1 888 896 6205

http://milfsandgranniesphonesex.com/olga.html

Two weeks to Christmas and my secret admirer pulls out all the stops!

I was woken up this morning by a knock at the door, only to find two gorgeous hunks there.  Turns out they’re male strippers!! 

They come inside and start doing their thing, and I figure “what the heck” and start stripping right along with them.  By the time they’re down to their thongs I’m all the way naked, and I start reaching for them so we can keep the fun going.  Well, at first they go along with it, and I figure I’m going to get some double penetration stuff going.  I couldn’t wait to taste a bit of stripper cock while getting rammed by the other one.  This ended up harder to accomplish than I originally thought, tho … these guys started fondling each other instead of me!!  That HAD to change!

I pushed my way in between them and told them if they were performing for me, then they’d better get me involved.  Sure enough, a good dose of granny Sue can make even flamers straight.   They started rubbing all over me, and soon I was having a wonderful time fucking and sucking.

By the time they left my trailer, they were done for - I wore both them guys out.  I wonder what my admirer has planned for his grand finale? hmm

1-888-648-0752, ask for ‘granny’ SUE

http://milfsandgranniesphonesex.com/gsue.html

On the 12th day of xmas my Hubby gave to me

12 inches of Dildos,   11 Truckers Jerking,  10 fingers fisting, 9 grannies diddling, 8 boys for milking, 7 roaring orgasms , 6 slaves for whipping FIVE ANAL BEADS!!  4 call girls, 3 Frenchmen, 2 Riding Crops, and a BIG BLACK COCK FOR MY PUSSY!!!

I love the xmas season! I love this time of year!  Especially now that the kids are gone and grown, we can really let our freak flags fly!!!  This year The hubby and I are planning a Secret Santa Key Party, with a twist… each guest will put his or her name into one bowl.  And in another bowl we each write down a random sex act. We all draw out a name.  Whoever’s name we pick we have to perform the sex act we randomly chose with them, or as close to that act as possible!!  The adventure is that we don’t get to opt out once we start.. so even if we pick somebody we don’t like.. or if a guy picks another guy.. it’s too bad he has to do it anyway!  It’s so deliciously childish.. but we’re all consenting adults… and you’re only as young as you feel anyway!  The hard part will be getting people to RSVP without them flaking out at the last minute.  Everybody says they’re in at first, but then the day comes around and suddenly they have cold feet and limp cocks.  But I’m purposefully overloading the invitation list with guys and gals I know for a fact are as freaky as can be.  And the new swinger’s club Hubby and I joined seems to have a bit of potential.  Most of them seem a bit vanilla for our tastes (girl on girl action and couple swapping only, no guy on guy)  … but we have our eye on a handful of fellow freaks.  It will just take a bit of schmoozing and boozing to feel them out.  My that’s alot of socializing to do between now and the After XXXmas party….  I hope my holes don’t get too worn out before then!  Haha As if!!

HELEN 1 888 298 3960

http://milfsandgranniesphonesex.com/helen.html

Here it is only three weeks away from Christmas and my secret admirer is pulling out all the stops.

This morning I received his fourth package, and it was a doozie.  He had left me three bottles of perfume with three totally different scents:

1) A bottle of Opium - now, I don’t know about anyone else, but the scent of Opium makes me go crazy … I feel like a tigress on the prowl, I feel like a godess, a diva ready to claim her prey.  This stuff is what dreams are made of!

2) A bottle of White Diamonds - this stuff is not cheap! It’s kept behind lock and key at my local store.  One whiff of this and I’m floating on a cloud of ecstasy, away from the rush and grind of everyday life.

3) A bottle of Channel no5 - An oldie but goodie, this makes you feel like a woman.  You can just feel all eyes turn toward you as you walk past, leaving your lingering scent for men to crave.

I’m not sure what to wear on my next date … maybe I’ll wear a splash of all three … Some White Diamond on my neck to keep me feeling above it all, some Channel on my wrists to atract all the mens’ attention each time I wave my hand, and the Opium on my cootch to let them know I will devour them when they go down there.

1-888-648-0752, ask for ‘granny’ SUE

http://milfsandgranniesphoneex.com/gsue.html