Milfs and Grannies Phone Sex

I just got back from the ER and I don’t want to talk about it, okay???  Long story short, my young fuckbud decided to have Thanksgiving leftovers out of my snatch.  I agree to be his dinner bowl, he shoves a Turkey drumstick up my hole and it gets stuck.  We try pulling on it, but its greasy and then the bone slips out.. and most of it remained in there… and nothing he or I could do would dig it out.  I tried everything.  Douching on Hi with the showerhead massager, digging it out with a dildo, stabbing at it with a fork.. NOTHING worked… so much to my humiliation I had fuckbud drive me to the ER.  Imagine explaining THAT to the docs.  I waited around like 7 hours for them to get around to me.   At least fuckbud kept me company the whole time… we even tried one last hurrah in the restroom trying to dig it out.  He buried his face and hands in there.. trying to get at that fuckin turkey meat.  No use.  I did get to cum pretty hard tho…. 

So the doc x-rayed my snatch.  Removed the turkey with some surgical tongs.  And scolded me not to play with my food like I’m some kind of child.  But how can I blame them.  I bet I was the talk of the emergency room that night. 

You’d think I’d be sore after something like that but I’m doing pretty good.  Fuckbud went home.  It’s just me and my dildo now.  I guess I’ll never learn!

OLGA 1 888 896 6205

http://milfsandgranniesphonesex.com/olga.html

 I swear, this is the first chance I’ve gotten all weekend to sit down!   What with the Thanksgiving festivities and everything, it was all about Turkey, Turkey Turkey and Pies as far as the eye can see, Sweet Potato and Cherry of course…. And guess who was in charge of all the fixings??    This old lady right here!  *whew*  My family,  I love them I love my boys and I miss them terribly when they are away, but I am SO GLAD THEY ARE GONE!!!   Now I can stop the Suzie Homemaker act and go back to my wicked ways.

My boys are so big and strong now,  you wouldn’t believe it!! Even my grandson is getting up there!  I swear If they weren’t my sons… Well.. a Mother has no business thinking that way about her boys, now does she.  *ahem*

You know, tho.  This wasn’t exactly a fulfilling holiday weekend.  I mean sure,  I had my fill of Turkey.  If I never see another Turkey as long as I live it will be too soon.  But oddly enough, there is another kind of meat that I’d much rather be cramming into my mouth!    I hope you can guess what that would be.  But if you think you can scare up any leftovers for a poor, lonely old mother and grandmother… I’d be happy to trade some of Mama Carol’s Delicious Pie with you.  Happy Holidays!!!

CAROL 1 888 252 5839

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Well, four weeks to Christmas, and my secret admirer strikes again … Four candles, complete with candleholders for each.  The candleholders look like part of a set, each of them looking similar, but different sizes to make a cascading effect when next to each other.  They look good quality – I might be able to fetch a pretty penny or two if I sell them.  I think I’ll hold onto them at least until after christmas, though … who knows, I might get lucky and share a candlelight bath with a stranger. hehe. 

granny SUE

1-888-648-0752

http://milfsandgranniesphonesex.com/gsue.html

My daughter asked me to take one of her kids to the dentist recently, as she was going to be busy with one of her other kids at his soccer game.  I agreed, expecting a boring visit and quick hop back home.  I hadn’t prepared at all for the visit that took place.

I showed up at the dentist office a few minutes early and checked in with no problems.  We were ushered back to the private room in a reasonable time, where we were met by a young man that started getting everything set up for the visit.  At first, I figured this was a very young dentist, but soon realized that it was the dental hygenist, and the female dentist was on her way from the next room over.

I had time to chat with the hygenist for a bit, and my grandson was starting to feel ignored by the time the dentist walked in.  Once the dentist was there, I told my grandson what a big, brave boy he was before stepping out to continue my conversation with the hygenist.  Long story short – Jeff (the hygenist) was single and available that afternoon.  After dropping my grandson off at the soccer game with mom (I’m pretty sure dentist had said teeth looked good), I headed back home & freshened up.

By the time Jeff was getting off work I was cruising the parking lot and offered him a ride.  Instead of taking him home, I took him back to my place and there I took charge.  As soon as we were in the door, I popped his tongue depressor out of his pants and into my mouth.  By the time he made it to the sofa he was missing the rest of his clothes, and mine were well on the way to disappearing as well.  I pushed him onto his back on the sofa and straddled his face, not once letting his fat cock leave my mouth.  It was time for him to show me what a nice set of chompers could do.

By the time he left the next morning, he was pretty used up, and I figured he was going to have to call in sick.  I remember wondering what his replacement at the Dentist Office might look like as I drifted off to sleep.

1-888-598-7660, ask for Connie

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Is it true you can get hemorrhoids from too much anal???  All I know is that my ass is killing me, and I’ve got a blister the size of a friggin’ golf ball hanging out of my ass!  And It hurts to sit down or lay on my back.  It’s been getting bigger and bigger the last three days, making it hard to.. umm.. well you know.. hard to make room for daddy, as the sayin goes.  So my current fuckbuddy is pretty miserable that he hasnt been able to cornhole me like he usually does.  I dunno tho… I’ve never had rhoids like this that’s for sure… and I’ve never had this much anal sex either… so maybe there’s a correlation.  I’d be more insulted that he isn;’t happy with Vag action.. but I’ll be the first to admit that my snatch ain’t the tightest drumskin on the snare, if you know what I mean.  It’s pretty bad when you have to ask your own vibrator if it’s in yet.  Even worse when the vibrator asks YOU!  D’oh!  Anyway.. hopefully some of that preparation H will clear things up.  But I’m horny and Fuckbuddy is strictly a backdoor man.  Oh well… guess this 60 year old Pincushion needs a night off anyway.  So I’ll take the hint and just wait by the phone for a fun call instead.  *sigh*……

OLGA 1 888 896 6205

http://milfsandgranniesphonesex.com/olga.html

Okay, five weeks to christmas and my secret admirer strikes again … A package of five assorted panties.

1) A thong, pearl white, that creeps right up my asscrack just like in the picture.

2) A v-string.  For those of you who don’t know what that is … it’s kind of like a thong, but it’s more like wearing dental floss for panties except for a little vee of material right in front of the cootchie.  Believe me, move those hips just right, and a girl KNOWS she’s wearing one of those.

3) A set of crotchless panties … for quick access in for the guy, but more importantly for the gal to air things out a bit while still wearing panties.

4) Red lace high thigh briefs.  Just looking at them was a turn-on.

5) Nude colored see-thru bikini panties.  These things were almost invisible when wet.

My goal this week is to masturbate in every single pair of panties, using the dildos I got last week.

1-888-648-0752, ask for “granny” Sue

http://milfsandgranniesphonesex.com/gsue.html

Who here loves a bukkake party raise your hand?!!  I DO I DO!!!  And tonight is the night!  I can’t wait to be bathed in the cum of a dozen men or more…. all surrounding me forcing their cocks in my mouth, maybe some even using and abusing my ass and cunt holes.  But I want all the cum on me.  I want every last fucking drop of that man seed. I want it in my eyes, my hair, my mouth, my fucking ears!  I want to be SHOWERED in cum!!  And tonight I will be…. my hubby, the love of my life, my most faithful servant of my pleasure…  he has arranged the largest gangbang night to date.  At least 20 people have RSVP’d… ALL MEN… ALL HUNG (he evaluated each of them, he has a very strict screening policy for the men we play with!)…  and all ready to bang me like its World War III.   I’m trembling with excitement, but I have to get physically and mentally prepared for all the abuse I’m about to take.  I need to be clean as a whistle in all my holes… I’ve skipped breakfast and lunch because i’m about to have a HUGE dinner and i want to have as much room for dessert as possible!!  Dessert being all the banana cream i’m about to gag on!!  It might be a good idea to do some stretches… since i’ll be pulled in 20 different directions, a little meditative yoga might be in order. and Kegels.. gotta do the kegels.  Gotta give this snatch a fighting chance!!!  Laters!! 

HELEN 1 888 298 3960

http://milfsandgranniesphonesex.com/helen.html

I have a secret admirer!!

When I opened my front door this morning, there was a box at the foot of the steps with a note attached.  the note read:

Dear Granny Sue,

This is a gift of six to you to represent the six weeks until Christmas.

Inside the box, I found six brand new dildos!  What a thoughtful surprise!

Dildo #1 was a small purple “ladyfinger” vibrator.  These are only about 4″ long, but they hum away forever.  They’re great to put right up against your clit, or to tickle some virgin asshole.

Dildo #2 was a standard 6″ gold vibrator.  An oldie but goodie, a necessary part of every woman’s wardrobe.

Dildo #3 was a glow-in-the-dark french tickler.  It was hollow so that the standard vibrator could fit inside, and the french tickler nubs were so soft and pliable that I couldn’t wait to take it for a test-spin.

Dildo #4 was a large 8″ dick-looking dildo.  It was just the right firmness to feel almost like the real thing … it even had raised veins along the shaft.  I think I’m going to be sleeping with that one beside me.

Dildo #5 was a black cock strap-on dildo.  Every time I looked at it I got images in my head on different people I could use it on.  I can’t wait to give that one a go.

Dildo #6 was about two feet long, and was a double-dildo.  It had a dick on both ends.  It was real flexible, and at first I wasn’t sure how I could put that one to good use.  It didn’t take me long to figure out that if I bent it almost in half, I could fuck my pussy AND my ass at the same time with this one dildo!  MMmmm.

I wonder what my secret admirer will bring me next week …. 5 batteries would be appreciated, but 5 dozen batteries would be more thoughtful.

Granny Sue

1-888-648-0752

http://milfsangranniesphonesex.com/gsue.html

Okay, boys – it’s time to put up or shut up.  All you raunchy-ass boys out there just staring at those young pussies and dreaming away really don’t know what you’re missing.

I know more about pleasing a man than any five of those teen-twats will EVER know, and when it cums to sex, baby, experience is EVERYTHING.

Here’s what I’m offering … you call me with your fantasy, and I guarantee you that I will push your fantasy to your limit … I will go farther than you thought possible.  Not only that, but I’m going to be turned on right there with you, and this old granny’s going to cum to your fantasy.

You think your fantasy is too weird or strange to talk with anyone about?  Not only have I probably heard of it, there’s a good chance I’ve TRIED it already, sonny-boy.   Cum play in MY backyard … I guarantee we can get nasty together.

granny SUE

1 888 648 0752

http://milfsandgranniesphonesex.com/gsue.html

I have hit a new low!!  I know you are sick of me saying that by now, but this time it’s true!!  Well, let me just spill it.  I went out to a nice Mexican Restaurant Friday night… it was good food.  It was great food.  The refried beans the chili relleno, the Chicken Fajitas which I always so wrong and get laughed out (It DOESN’T rhyme with Vagina??)   the big basket of nachos and Salsa that was hotter than the freaking SUN.. but Oh sooo good.  Well I made a pig of myself.  And by the middle of the night I was paying the price.  I fucking swear, you would have thought I lived in a lighthouse, from all the Foghorn noises you could hear emanating from my bedroom.   I mean I’ve had gas before.. but this was beyond gas.  This was Olga, one woman Greenhouse Effect.  I was up and down all night to the toilet.  And pretty soon there was nothing left to empty out of me.  So why is it that in the morning I wake up to rip another one… I misjudge my own ass’s intent.. and instead of cutting the cheese I part the chocolate sea right there in my own bed!!!  I shit my own sheets. My nightgown the floor by the bed… everything.. a big chocolate runny puddle of Olga’s Friday Night Fiesta…   Thank god my son had left for work already (we share a bed for the time being.  Long story).  He complained all night about Mama’s tooting and pooting… he woulda been scarred for life if he’d seen me use the mattress like a giant diaper.   WELP.  I think it’s time to do some laundry finally, don’t you?  Yes I know.  I’m gross.  Suffer!

OLGA 1 888 896 6205

http://milfsandgranniesphonesex.com/olga.html